A howl of grimm . . .

~ She who wears the hood in red ~

And you are the werewolf,
And I am the moon . . .
And in the endless sky we are but one .
We are alive in my dreams,
Werewolf and I . . .


~ The creature of the lunar hex ~

You illuminate the night sky
All the better to see you with
So far away you are up there
But in grasp so close I feel
In the dark you shine on me
And drain powers through your light
My guide every now and then
As I roam horizons through the night
For I exist to heed your call
I know with you my spirit can be whole

Dissimilis Lupinotuum

EVEN HE WHO IS PURE OF HEART AND SAYS HIS PRAYERS AT NIGHT, MAY BECOME A WOLF WHEN THE WOLFSBANE BLOOMS AND THE MOON IS FULL AND BRIGHT.


In my time i have been known by many many names, Grendel, Peter Stubb, Gilles Garnier, Lycaon even the Beast of Gevaudan, my modern name is Werewolf my ancient name is Lycan. I have wandered this realm for millennia cursed by what i am and by that on which i need to feed, a parasite on my half brother, lone survivor of a forgotten race.

Once again i find myself alone, an outcast, a pariah unable to seek solace in a woman or a warm fireplace like a mortal man, but fleeing like a leper to a woods or a cave to serve my lonely sentence away from they who might harm me, they who do not understand.

I was once a warrior, loved by my kind and feared by my enemy, but alas my race has gone. I once caught a hint from the wind of one my kind, in Paris in 1789, my veins pulsed and my heart soared and then he was gone, lost in the crowd of revolutionaries, to this day i have never sensed again one of my own.

I had a lover once, a mortal girl of great beauty, i chose her because i knew she could not bare a child, i could not put this curse upon another, for five years we were happy, she knew nothing of my state, my blood lust i could not control, and then they came for me, as they always do, with pitchfork and flame, they tortured her
to get to me, she died, i fled , the pain was so great i chose never to love again. I still miss her.

For two centuries now i have walked alone, my only belongings are my books, what need have i of modern words when i have Dante ,Shakespeare and Dickens? I live off Gaea, from the river, the tree and the bush, it is strange but my blood lust is much calmer these days, content am i to feed on fruit and berry and roadside kill and the mountain stream is my tap, until of course it rises, my lunar hex.

Its darkening now and so i wait, senses heightening, clouds tumble past and i feel my temperature rise, blood pumps fast and heart rate quickens, i watch as my nails turn to talons and fingers turn to claw, my hunger begins to take over me as the clouds pull back like curtains to reveal the moon, a full moon, a Hunters moon...

Staying "still"

My mind, my heart can't take it. So, what am I supposed to do? Can't believe i've let my guard down for you. Keeping the balance to prevent myself from falling. Fighting not to fall means fighting not to feel the PAIN. The pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, pain that threatened to crush me. . .

I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me, and I accepted way less than I deserve. But, I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I'll know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve. . .

I watched her as she walk around the room. Amazed of how graceful she was. She heard me laughing at full volume behind her, my usual short hard laugh. . . Seeing her again last night from a distance made me realize, she is not the girl who can shake my world. Not that she can't, but I won't allow it. I must admit though, I miss her voice, her stories, her entirety. . .

I spent an hour dissecting her sentence structure on her last message, it's been more than a month and I still could not find the courage to reply and end this. I must admit though, while my mind says she is not the woman who can shake my world, my heart says I miss her. . .

Stupid me. . .

A Gloomy tuesday morning, woke up at around 6am wondering why the first thing that came into my mind is to contemplate about things that were and weren't supposed to. You know the feeling of emptiness inside you, creeping in your whole system, makes you uncomfortably unhappy and unsatisfied with life? Heh, what a way to start your day, ain't that a bitch? I wonder if there are other people experiencing the same right at this moment besides me. . .

As a morning routine, I made a cup of coffee as usual and instead of looking for something to eat in the fridge, I went back to my room and played some music on the computer. Put my headphones on while enjoying my music without disturbing others that are still fast asleep. As I sipped at my coffee mug, I immediately spat everything in my mouth, leaving the monitor and keyboard seriously wet and cursed on and on early morning, "PUT@NG*NAAAAAA, ANG ALAT, LECHENG PUT@NG*NA!". I then realized that instead of putting sugar while making coffee, I must've put iodized salt in it, f*ckin' stupid. I immediately wiped out the mess left by that embarrassing and idiotic moment cleanly and made sure the keyboard isn't damaged and ended up making another cup of coffee. I also labeled the containers so no one would mistaken iodized salt as sugar anymore and know exactly which is which next time. I went upstairs back to my room, in front of my computer, still cursing repeatedly. What the f*ck did I do, dammit. Well, so much for staying up til 2am, maybe i'm still sleepy at that point.

I continue enjoying my music, then this single "Stupid Me" by Franco played next. I felt annoyed all of a sudden 'coz even the f*ckin' music is making fun of me early this morning, what the heck! I laughed at myself while the cursing goes on and on still, hehe. . . Then I thought of logging into facebook using my 2nd account. Checked my notifications and as usual, there's only one and it's from Rage, for liking my most recent post. I thought of her(my recent heartbreak) again, wondering what's going on with her or whether if there's any updates or if she's already back in the country. So, I took a glimpse at her profile and I read a wall post with comments from both her and her "new" boyfriend exchanging how much they love each other and how much they mean to each other. . . "How pathetic", I exclaimed to myself. Then my eyes opened wide, thinking if those words should be referred to me or to them. Perhaps, both. . . Nah, who cares?

I logged out and logged back in FB using my primary account this time, then I saw some updates from red riding hood(an alias). I then checked if she's online in chat, she isn't. And she no longer goes online frequently in chat anymore like she used to. So, I opened my FB messages and bring up our message thread and read it over and over again. I really can't get over it, specially when she told me that it would've been me, if only I came into her life earlier. I then started imagining how happy and perfect my life would be if only i'd met her before everything else took place. Now, she's married, happily married to a wonderful man which she definitely deserve. Then again, I suddenly felt so stupid, I kept questioning myself why didn't I met this wonderful, gorgeous and so-perfect girl before? But at the back of my mind, i'm still thankful that she didn't end up with me, because I deeply knew that I don't deserve someone so wonderful like her. Well, it's for the best. . .

The song that i'm listening to goes on, not realizing my coffee mug is already empty and i'm too lazy to go downstairs and make another one. Guess, i'll just share the bitterness of these thoughts in my mind in exchange. Hold my mask of stupidity and perhaps, get too high! ! ! Perhaps, i'll just indulge myself with thoughts of my red riding hood, wishing me to come visit her every fullmoon, and remain my immortality in her thoughts. . .