Stupid me. . .

A Gloomy tuesday morning, woke up at around 6am wondering why the first thing that came into my mind is to contemplate about things that were and weren't supposed to. You know the feeling of emptiness inside you, creeping in your whole system, makes you uncomfortably unhappy and unsatisfied with life? Heh, what a way to start your day, ain't that a bitch? I wonder if there are other people experiencing the same right at this moment besides me. . .

As a morning routine, I made a cup of coffee as usual and instead of looking for something to eat in the fridge, I went back to my room and played some music on the computer. Put my headphones on while enjoying my music without disturbing others that are still fast asleep. As I sipped at my coffee mug, I immediately spat everything in my mouth, leaving the monitor and keyboard seriously wet and cursed on and on early morning, "PUT@NG*NAAAAAA, ANG ALAT, LECHENG PUT@NG*NA!". I then realized that instead of putting sugar while making coffee, I must've put iodized salt in it, f*ckin' stupid. I immediately wiped out the mess left by that embarrassing and idiotic moment cleanly and made sure the keyboard isn't damaged and ended up making another cup of coffee. I also labeled the containers so no one would mistaken iodized salt as sugar anymore and know exactly which is which next time. I went upstairs back to my room, in front of my computer, still cursing repeatedly. What the f*ck did I do, dammit. Well, so much for staying up til 2am, maybe i'm still sleepy at that point.

I continue enjoying my music, then this single "Stupid Me" by Franco played next. I felt annoyed all of a sudden 'coz even the f*ckin' music is making fun of me early this morning, what the heck! I laughed at myself while the cursing goes on and on still, hehe. . . Then I thought of logging into facebook using my 2nd account. Checked my notifications and as usual, there's only one and it's from Rage, for liking my most recent post. I thought of her(my recent heartbreak) again, wondering what's going on with her or whether if there's any updates or if she's already back in the country. So, I took a glimpse at her profile and I read a wall post with comments from both her and her "new" boyfriend exchanging how much they love each other and how much they mean to each other. . . "How pathetic", I exclaimed to myself. Then my eyes opened wide, thinking if those words should be referred to me or to them. Perhaps, both. . . Nah, who cares?

I logged out and logged back in FB using my primary account this time, then I saw some updates from red riding hood(an alias). I then checked if she's online in chat, she isn't. And she no longer goes online frequently in chat anymore like she used to. So, I opened my FB messages and bring up our message thread and read it over and over again. I really can't get over it, specially when she told me that it would've been me, if only I came into her life earlier. I then started imagining how happy and perfect my life would be if only i'd met her before everything else took place. Now, she's married, happily married to a wonderful man which she definitely deserve. Then again, I suddenly felt so stupid, I kept questioning myself why didn't I met this wonderful, gorgeous and so-perfect girl before? But at the back of my mind, i'm still thankful that she didn't end up with me, because I deeply knew that I don't deserve someone so wonderful like her. Well, it's for the best. . .

The song that i'm listening to goes on, not realizing my coffee mug is already empty and i'm too lazy to go downstairs and make another one. Guess, i'll just share the bitterness of these thoughts in my mind in exchange. Hold my mask of stupidity and perhaps, get too high! ! ! Perhaps, i'll just indulge myself with thoughts of my red riding hood, wishing me to come visit her every fullmoon, and remain my immortality in her thoughts. . .