( D I A B O L I C )
I was surfing the internet for i can't seem to think about something worthwhile to do while i'm at my nephew's place. He was even messing with me like he's asking me not to browse "porn sites" although he knew that i'm actually not doing it. I know he's just making me laugh 'coz he too noticed something wrong about me lately, but i nearly took his joke seriously so, he took back what he said and apologized. He said "eto naman! joke nga lang eh, pinapatawa ka lang naman!", i said i appreciate what he's doing and i know it's his way of cheering me up, but i'm just really not in the mood. But eventually, we ended up messing with each other...
When i got home, my couzin Jhe was there. We exchanged greetings and expressed to each other how much we missed each other. We're always like that 'coz we're very close, and we're like brothers more that anyone else. Like my nephew, Vjay, Jhe has always been there for me also, especially in my toughest times, just like this one. I need not to tell them that i might use an ear that knows how to listen nor someone who understands because they automatically offer themselves to be it. Then i thought, if it were'nt because of them, i might be found "insane" at this point, or maybe, "dead"...
While struggling to empty a lot of beer bottles infront of us, my couzin asked, "anu ba prublema, zan?", but instead of answering it, i asked her "bakit kaya ako pinanganak?", "am i destined to live this way my whole life?". "Yaan mo na yun", she replied. "Di dapat pinag-aaksayahan ng oras yung mga ganung tao, isa pa, andito nman ako eh!" then she bursted out laughing, and i laughed as well. Also,my niece once told me, "minsan, kailangan ituro sa'yo ng mundo ang TAMA sa paraang masasaktan ka para matandaan mo!".....but, at the back of my mind, i'm still fighting myself not to think about "her" anymore. But the harder i try to forget, the more i think about her unconciously... Life is too short to stress myself with people who don't even deserve to be an issue in my life, but i still find the one who broke my heart very special, and i'm refusing to just let go of "her", but whether i like it or not, i have to, and that hurts me a lot 'coz i have no choice...
The following days, i spent each afternoon watching dvd's, and "supernatural", together with my other favorite episodes, was among them and the one that i'm currently watching at that moment. There's this episode that caught my attention, it's where Dean(jensen ackles), was desperately seeking for answers, and when he finally knew that there's no more hope left in saving his younger brother Sam(jared padalecki), he went to a "crossroad", summoned a "demon" and made a deal with it just to bring Sam's life back. In that episode, Sam's been killed and Dean just could'nt let go of his li'l brother 'coz he's the only thing left in him. I started asking myself, did it ever really came into anybody's mind making a "diabolical pact" just to have what they badly wanted? 'Coz seriously, if it is even possible, i might've done it myself...
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