Scenes from the Past

(A Deafening Silence)

…..Nearly two weeks have passed, yet i'm still hurting so much. I wonder when will it end? Or maybe it won't. It's almost 7am that day and the sky is about to be filled with the sun's golden rays as it emerges to shine again from the east, meaning that i'll have to deal with yet another day again, full of hurt and pain. Ahh, heartbreaks…..such a pain in the ass, or should i say "heart"… Nah, whatever!

…..My shift ended at 6am, logged out and off i go. I was walking then, with both hands in my pocket, slowly walking, thingking about "her", again. Then i checked my cellphone, no text messages. i got to the MRT station in ortigas, checked my cellphone again, no text messages. I rode the train and when i got off the last station in North Triangle(TRINOMA), i checked my cellphone again, and still no text messages. Normally, i receive texts at this point, but, nothing… I was about to ride a jeepney after getting off the MRT station North Edsa , but then, something's got into me. Then i started walking, it's like some unseen force is directing me to just, walk… And i don't know why but, i'm always like this whenever i'm deeply thinking about something, doesn't care wherever my feet brings me. I just keep on walking and walking until i get tired, and this time, after walking for almost two hours, i didn't notice that i'm already in Tandang Sora Avenue just after UP Diliman Merging Zone, going to Commonwelth. My shoes and pants all dusty, as well as my hair and i can no longer comb it with my fingers due to the tangles. Then i sat for a moment, checked my cellphone again and, there you go, i got more than 10 text messages, but none of them was from "her". To my dismay, i put my cellphone back in my pocket and sat again, not realizing that i'm all teary-eyed…..and it sucks… Tasting your own tears because of bitterness… WTF!!! I then decided to call a taxi cab and go home…

…..While in the cab on my way home, i noticed something. I asked the cab driver to turn on some music, he pointed at the car stereo which is actually "ON" while he talks back, but, i didn't get what he just said because, i can't hear him. I asked him "ano kamo, boss?", he replied but still, i'm not hearing the words coming out from his mouth… I demanded him to stop the cab, and his initial reaction is to ask "why" but in a very intrigued manner. I told him "please, pakitabi lang boss, sandali lang, please!". The driver stopped the cab, but with hesitation. Then i stepped outside and looked around…..i'm on a highway where vehicles are fastly going through opposite lanes, but i can't hear the roaring engines of any of 'em… I can't hear my surroundings! What's this unbelievable thing that's going on with me? I looked back at the driver and he's sort of yelling at me, i didn't hear it but i read his mouth saying "hoy, ano ba? Lasing ka ba? Bilisan mo na kung susuka ka"… Feeling puzzled and everything, i went back inside the cab wondering what's really happening to me. The driver is staring at me with lots of questions in his face. "Sensya na, boss. Sige na, tara na!", i said. The driver shook his head, then drove off...

…..I got home safely bearing that deafening silence still. I changed clothes and lied down the bed, thinking what kind of phenomena is this, or if it's even such a thing… Then i closed my eyes. Suddenly, "her" face clearly came to vision, i know it's just a dream but it felt so real. I touched her cheek, and instead of expressing "her" how angry i am and how much i hate "her" for what she did to me, i bid her goodnight and all i ever said was, "sleep tight, my love"…

…..It's already dark outside when i woke up. I looked at the clock, it's already 7:30pm, i have to go to work before nine o'clock. I'm already hearing our neighbor's dog barking again from outside, as well as the whirring of my old electric fan. I stood up, took a cup of coffee, take a bath, then leave to work…

…..At work, my friend Gary which is a co-worker and teammate asked me, "nu balita?" I just glanced at him then bowed my head down and said, "i miss her"… He laughed a bit and said, "namimiss ka rin nun, chong! Si Mandz pah!" I just smiled back at him. He didn't know that i was actually referring to another person, but instead of telling him what's on my mind, i just said "sana nga, pre! sana nga…"