Staying "still"

My mind, my heart can't take it. So, what am I supposed to do? Can't believe i've let my guard down for you. Keeping the balance to prevent myself from falling. Fighting not to fall means fighting not to feel the PAIN. The pain that had nothing to do with broken bones, pain that was infinitely worse, pain that threatened to crush me. . .

I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me, and I accepted way less than I deserve. But, I've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things I can never get back and people who will never be sorry, I'll know better next time and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve. . .

I watched her as she walk around the room. Amazed of how graceful she was. She heard me laughing at full volume behind her, my usual short hard laugh. . . Seeing her again last night from a distance made me realize, she is not the girl who can shake my world. Not that she can't, but I won't allow it. I must admit though, I miss her voice, her stories, her entirety. . .

I spent an hour dissecting her sentence structure on her last message, it's been more than a month and I still could not find the courage to reply and end this. I must admit though, while my mind says she is not the woman who can shake my world, my heart says I miss her. . .